Monday, June 30, 2008

Tricking and Trucking: Love and Lust on Route 69

Just when I thought Citizen Wifey was silly complaining about four dollar milk, I stand corrected and am officially changing my tune. The economy has gone from a recession to a depression. You are probably asking me what source have I consulted for this information? What magazine or pundit has given me this information? My source is the oldest money making business in the world. Prostitution!!!

Now I didn’t interview the prostitutes myself because I don’t have the time. Prostitutes have really bad working hours. I don’t have the time to wait in a dark alley for a woman to get off her 3rd shift job. My information comes from the modern day brothels of Nevada. The state of Nevada has turned tricking into a very lucrative business. Ten Nevada counties permit licensed brothels with licensing requirements that range in the six figures. The working age must be 21, except in two counties where the minimum is 18. State law requires that brothel prostitutes must be checked weekly for sexually transmitted diseases. I haven’t heard of people at the clinic that much since my sophomore year of college. Also they must use condoms for all mandatory sex acts (use your imagination on this one). You are probably asking what does this have to do with the economy? I figure that if prostitutes are having a hard time making paper, then the fry cook at McDonalds must really be hurting. Using my George Bush career slide ruler provided by Acme Corporation. I see that both careers are listed in the service industry.

Rising fuel prices have kept truck drivers from stopping in on the brothels. The truckers have to make tough decisions. Do I want to do the huckabuck or pay for gas? The further the brothels are off the highway, the more money they lose. I guess when you are on the highway; it’s easier to slide in and out (pun intended). The hardest hit truckers are the independent ones that are contracted through a company. They pay for their own gas versus company truckers that have their gas paid for. Statistics from the Nevada Brothel Owners’ Association show that truckers make up almost 75% of the interstate brothel business.

Nevertheless the brothels are doing the best they can to get their business up (pun intended). They are offering special monthly discounts, gas cards and increased services when truckers use their stimulus checks. The truckers are taking their checks and doing exactly what President Bush wanted by putting the money back into the economy. All this makes me wonder if the non-licensed prostitutes are having a hard time as well. If they look like the ones that get arrested on the TV show COPS, then they might need to reduce their prices. They are already unattractive so they can’t charge top dollar. I guess they would really have to go down on their prices (pun not intended).

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