Saturday, April 18, 2009

Citizen Wifey vs The Salesmen: Another Friday Night Special

This was a very long week. I couldn’t get off work to attend the Fixed News sponsored Tea Parties. I’m just joking!!! I kid because I can. Anyway, I received a letter about winning free accommodations (travel and lodging). I thought it was a setup but it turned out to be legit (so far). All I had to do was sit through a presentation. I usually hate to attend these things but I couldn’t pass on free accommodations (aka Freeness). All I had to do was convince my wife to go with me. She really doesn’t like people trying to sell her stuff. She could turn down a one legged child leper selling candy bars. I always worry about their feelings so it’s hard for me to say no. If someone attempts to sell us something, she shuts them down. She really wasn’t feeling this “presentation” but I sold her on the “Freeness”.

Side Note: Pay attention because I’m going to jump around like a Quentin Tarantino film.

The plan was to go hear the folks and leave with “Freeness”. Well things don’t always go according to plan. I have to admit that the sales pitch was pretty good. Salesman 1 was friendly and very informative. He slipped up only once during the sales pitch. He started talking negative about foreigners working in customer service. Citizen Wife didn’t like that. Who knew she was a crusader for the English impaired? She got mad at me later because I wouldn’t agree with her. She kept saying “wasn’t that racist” over and over. I just sat there as she got worked up talking about it. I was hungry and I wanted to eat. I was too hungry to co-sign on racist statements. Sorry MLK!!! I started reflecting on the time I went across the street to visit my neighbors. I heard them cooking in their garage. Yes I could hear the frying of meat across the street. I just knew it had to be chicken. Turns out I was half right. It was chicken legs. Just in case you were wondering, yes they are Asian. You thought I was going to say Black huh? I know none of that made sense but I was really hungry while she was talking.

But I digress……..Back to the presentation. Everything was fine until salesman 1 came to the end of his presentation. I knew there was a hook – I knew it! I knew it! Citizen Wife knew it too because of the questions she was asking. Boy does she ask a lot of questions. In case you didn’t know: there is always a hook. Salesman 1 knew we weren’t going to cave in so he brought “The Closer” in. The Closer is also known as the master salesman. He comes in to sweeten the deal so people cave in. The Closer rubbed citizen wifey the wrong way and it was all downhill after that. Do you remember back in the day when people finished having sex they smoked? Well he smelled like he was rolled up and smoked by a cigarette after the cigarette had sex. As I am typing this I still have his aroma under my nostrils. I didn’t know R.J. Reynolds Tobacco made soap? Gadzooks!!!!

The Closer eventually slipped up when he talked about sexual relations with his wife. Citizen Wife didn’t like that at all. After we left she went on and on about The Closer’s comments. She also said I gave The Closer an endorsement to say those things. All because I didn’t stop The Closer and I kept laughing with him. So The Closer’s teeth looked like he had a mouth full of dice. Does that make him a bad person? He was trying to sell us on romance and it came off very unromantic. If Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington talked about being sexual she wouldn’t complain. If the person looks like an extra on the set of Deliverance, it’s a problem!

Well at the end of the presentation it wasn’t looking good for the salesmen. The Closer went on about his business and we went on about ours. Salesman 1 didn’t shake our hand or look us in the eye. Citizen Wifey was pissed off about that too. We took our “Freeness” and walked away into the night. I doubt we will ever deal with them again at this point. Looking back I don’t have any hard feelings. I just wish that the “Freeness” didn’t come with so many stipulations. I told you there is always a hook…………….


Unknown said...

Go Citizen Wifey!!!

the uppity negro said...


Classic Quentin Tarentino...

My parents sat through a time-share spiel for a $100 bucks when we were in Myrtle Beach.


My parents sooooo didn't budge.

We ate steak that night for dinner.

miz e said...

I'm with Citizen Wifey on this one...and you were wrong for convincing her to sit through that torture...although the "Freeness" is sooooo tempting. :)

NCCU Alumni said...

Were they trying to sell pots and pans for several grand? My wife and I went to a presentation like that to get a free trip. We haven't used it yet, but it was legit...

Citizen Ojo said...

Milby40 - What did she do to deserve a GO!!! ha ha ha.

Uppity - you got money... maybe I was at the wrong event.

miz e - we got the "Freeness" it's called taking one for the team.

nccu alumni - I keep hearing about this pot and pan presentation from other folks. I hear the pots are expensive.